Thou Shalt Not Travel by people carrier

I am bored.

And not in my usual "I am bored" way either; boredom through choice if you will, no this is the real thing; the kind of boredom that has lead me to have voluntarily spent half my morning on the phone to the tax office.

"Surely" I hear you cry, "nothing could warrant a morning spent on the phone to an office full of halfwits who are individually more incompetent than all the cretins at the The Student Loan company combined?"

Well my friends I feel the whole sorry situation can be summed up in one phrase and one phrase alone;


The Summer Holidays.


A utterance so weighty that it strikes fear into the hearts of students the nation over, for it means a fate worse than graduation; a soul destroying job and four months residing at your parents suburban home, the very place you had so gleefully dreamed of fleeing for good as you naively filled out your UCAS forms way back when.


Well "Welcome Home Hunny"

Welcome back to the place where hangovers are forbidden, Where strangers in the kitchen after the night before (and several large Vodkas) are greeted with such distaste that you have to check that the sign on the driveway that you tripped over last night was that that reads "No free papers" and not "Convent", A place where the word of the Daily Mail is never questioned and in which every radio within a fifty foot radius is tuned into BBC Radio Two at all times.
'
Now don't get me wrong, I adore my family; I even adore their middle class friends and their white picket fences, its just I've become somewhat accustomed to own life, on the other side of the Pennines, a life that begs me to question the views of the odious Richard Littlejohn rather than celebrate them over breakfast.

A life where sharing a bag of Doritos and a couple of cans before heading to the pub is the closest I have ever come to hosting a dinner party and where using the bathmat as a pillow seems an entirely appropriate end to an evening.

And whilst I enjoy the comforts of home; Meals that are prepared without the use of a microwave, not being awoken by anyone playing the trumpet at 4am, windows and doors that don't require added security grills and even carpets, I am ultimately bored.

Bored, spoilt, sober and celibate.


And that my friends is not a Holiday.


(The Summer part I cant argue with, I am not a Monk)