Thou shalt not use the bathmat as a pillow

I am still wearing my dirty white pumps and I am still terrible at holding my liquor but I have started waking up on the bathroom floor or fully clothed a lot more frequently and am worryingly unconcerned about my future.

I decided I wanted to be a stand up comedian but no one would take me seriously, oh the irony, and a lovely little Irish girl said I was categorically "not funny" but she did give me a pound to buy some laughing gas so who was I to argue.